She's Not An Angel. She was my baby.

Sleeping Angel

Joseph Campbell quote

I Will Not Say Goodbye - Danny Gokey

From: I will not say Goodbye

by Danny Gokey

I don't want to feel better
I don't want to not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh, I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone.

Charles Dickens quote

And can it be that in a world so full and busy



     the loss of one creature makes a void so wide and deep that nothing


          but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up!


               ~ Charles Dickens

My Child's Name

My Child’s Name


Author Unknown

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don’t worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn’t show.
Don’t worry about making me cry.
I’m already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide.
I’m hurt when you just keep silent, pretending he didn’t exist.
I’d rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing,
I say “pretty good” or “fine.”
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.

A Parent's Treasure

“ I loved the boy with the utmost love of which my soul is capable; and he is taken from me—yet in the agony of my spirit in surrendering such a treasure I feel a thousand times richer than if I had never possessed it.”


- William Wordsworth

Habakkuk 2:3

Speak My Name

I did not die young,

I lived the span of my life within your body, and within your love.

If you would honour me, then speak my name and number me amongst your family.
If you would honour me, then strive to live in love, for in that love I live.

Never ever doubt that we will meet again, and until that day I will grow in Heaven and wait for you.

A Love So Strong

Imagine a love so strong that saying hello and goodbye in the same day was worth the sorrow.

NPR article: Capturing The Brief Life And Death Of An Infant

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121758804

Capturing The Brief Life And Death Of An Infant


Joanna Blum and Ashley Hutcheson talk about their extraordinary meeting to record the life and passing of Baruch Levi Blum.

On Dec. 1, Blum gave birth to Baruch Levi. He weighed 2 pounds, 11 ounces. He lived about 10 minutes. Hutcheson, a photographer, was there to document his birth.

According to the World Health Organization, nearly 3.3 million babies are stillborn every year, and more than 4 million others die within 28 days of birth.

Produced by Mary Beth Kirchner. The Obituary Project was produced by Emily Botein with Posey Gruener and edited by Deborah George. Production support from Robin Wise. The Obituary Project was made possible with support from the New York State Council on the Arts.

Finding answers to questions.

"I beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.

Don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.

Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -Rainer Maria Rilke

Today's quote

"Do what you must do to become who you must become."


Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

We Remember Them

We Remember Them

At the rising of the sun and at its going down
We remember them.

At the blowing of the wind and the chill of winter
We remember them.
At the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring
We remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer
We remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn
We remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends
We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us,
as we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength
We remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart
We remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share
We remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make
We remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs
We remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us,
as we remember them.

Words from the Dalai Lama

When, at some point in our lives, we meet a real tragedy — which could happen to any one of us — we can react in two ways. Obviously, we can lose hope, let ourselves slip into discouragement, into alcohol, drugs, and unending sadness. Or else we can wake ourselves up, discover in ourselves an energy that was hidden there, and act with more clarity, more force.

-The Dalai Lama

Isaiah 49:15-16

I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of My hands I have written your name.



— Isaiah 49:15-16

Hold On

Hold on to what is good

even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe
even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do
even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life
even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand
even when I have gone away from you.


-- Pueblo Blessing

"A Pair of Shoes"

"A Pair of Shoes"


I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author unknown

From "A Grief Observed"

A Grief Observed, author C.S. Lewis echoed the truth of that statement when he wrote,

“I was shocked that I did not die from grief. And I know now that I will not die from grief because I choose not to. I may run—or shake wildly—or lie paralyzed on the ground for awhile—but I will not ultimately succumb. Whatever gives us an increased sense of control—whether it be love or faith or cognitive coping seems to mobilize our self healing systems.”

Buttons you can use on blogs

Grief, poem

At times, grief is like a hurricane

meandering in its path
but nevertheless picking up strength;
eventually it will come ashore
with perhaps devastating consequences.


-- Harold Ivan Smith

Irish Blessing Of Peace

Old Irish Blessing of Peace



Deep peace I breathe into you
Oh weariness here, O ache, here!
Deep peace, a soft white dove to you;
Deep peace, a quiet rain to you;
Deep peace, an ebbing wave to you!
Deep peace, red wind of the east from you;
Deep peace, gray wind of the west to you;
Deep peace, dark wind of the north from you;
Deep peace, pure red of the flame to you;
Deep peace, pure white of the moon to you;
Deep peace, pure green of the grass to you;
Deep peace, pure brown of the living earth to you;
Deep peace, pure gray of the dew to you;
Deep peace, pure blue of the sky to you;
Deep peace of the running wave to you,
Deep peace of the flowing air to you,
Deep peace of the quiet Earth to you,
Deep peace of the sleeping stones to you,
Deep peace of the yellow shepherd to you,
Deep peace of the wandering shepherdess to you,
Deep peace of the Flock of Stars to You.
Deep peace of the Son of Peace to You.
Deep Peace, Deep Peace.

Weeping Angel Statue

Quotes

There is no foot too small

My Three Little Birds

Here are their quilt squares, all adjoined, in a quilt of babies that died in 2007 and 2008. Please consider sponsoring March of Dimes in memory of Xavier, Zora, and Nathan, and ALL babies born too soon, so that their research can continue and hopefully prevent other families from suffering the loss of their sweet babies.

The whole quilt

Angel babies

Sorry that some of these are small, if the size is increased on some of these, they pixelate and don't look good.

Dread

I have developed a new philosophy

- I dread only one day at a time.

Charles M. Shultz, Peanuts

When bad things happen to good people

When darkness seems



overwhelming,


light a candle in someone’s life


and see how it makes


the darkness in your own


and the other person’s life flee.


Rabbi Harold S. Kujshner, “When


Bad Things Happen to Good People”

There are things...

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
                                                                                    ~ Author Unknown

Pain

"The pain passes, but the beauty remains." Pierre Auguste Renoir

Candle Flame and Reflection

New Angel

Bereaved Parents Wish List

Got this from http://mylifeafterloss.blogspot.com/:

BEREAVED PARENTS WISH LIST


I wish my child hadn’t died. I wish I had him back.

I wish you wouldn’t be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you as well.

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me. My child’s death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

I wish you wouldn’t "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me. I need you more than ever.

I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be said and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.

I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child’s death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug.

I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.

I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.

I wish you wouldn’t expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time so don’t frustrate yourself.

I don’t want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.

I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I’m feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

When I say, "I’m doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don’t feel okay and that I struggle daily.

I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I’m having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I’m quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I’m doing good to handle him at an hour at a time.

I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.I wish very much that you could understand – understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.

-taken from Compassionate Friends (an organization for Bereaved Parents)

The Mask

I feel as if I am buried alive

Yet I smile, and respond
"Fine, thank you."
I have been appropriately conditioned
No one wants to hear the painful t r u t h.
An essential part of me, my limb
A constituent of my earthly being
Has been violently amputated.

Yet I laugh at the mediocre conversations
A verbal splash in a shallow puddle
Pretending to be a player of the words
That have no m e a n i n g.

My heart has been ripped from my bosom
No benevolence granted
No explanation -No apologies
Only cataclysmic p a i n
Only agony
No anesthesia remains, just the bitter pain.
Yet I wear the m a s k

Day to Day.
Pretending I fit in
But really I'm a foreigner here
They speak an alien language
I attempt to translate the words
Still, they mean nothing to me.
Sequestered in the mask


They hear not the music I dance to
Nor the words I speak
Nor the pain I echo
Nor the native language of my e y e s
They will never really know me,
It's only a mask.

At the heart of it all....

At the heart of it all,

what matters most is:

Who has touched our lives and

Whose lives we've touched.

People are like stained glass windows.....

"People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkenss sets in, their true beauty is revealed ONLY IF their light is from within."- Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Angel Baby Painting

Angel imagery - from Central Park, NY

Blinkie: This candle burns in memory of my 2 angels in heaven.

It's animated when in a PowerPoint or on a Web site.